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Poetry by Relic Girl

October 10, 2017

 

Anxiety

 

Awakening at daylight

No sleep, no rest

Alert, full of fright

Increasingly depressed

 

Rippling, crawling inside

Wave after wave

Can’t seem to hide

Becoming enslaved

 

Trying to reassure

Rolling in, gathering speed

Too much to endure

A huge stampede

 

Buzzing, jittering, crying

Got to run, got to flee

Spun tight & dying

Never  to be free

 

Running, fleeing, frantic

Faster & unstoppable

Cut off & panicked

Going under, it’s horrible

 

Nothing will distract

Nothing will ease

A huge impact

Help me please

 

 

Depression

 

Inside me is so dark

So full and so heavy

Being stifled is that spark

That keeps me so happy

 

Thick oozing cold dampness

Feeling I’m drowning

Locked in a bleakness

Climbing and struggling

 

Trying to surface

And just take a breath

But am just so listless

And close to death

 

Where is that glimmer

That gives me hope

Seems to just get dimmer

Until I can no longer cope

 

 

 

Shaky Senses

 

I see it as left

They see it as right

Oppositional truth

What is real?

 

Periodical niceness

Slotted in the gaps

Gnawing hunger growing

Isolating and distorting

 

Many many faces

Masks to decipher

A crack is heard

Splintering and crumbling

 

A centrifugal force

Activated and fierce

Tearing away my sanity

My mind stunned and spent

 

Hand in Hand

 

I look beside me

And see a little girl

She has blonde hair

And a little curl

The sadness in her eyes

And the tears on her cheek

Make me ask her why

She feels so bleak

 

She takes my hand

And looks up into my face

She says, “you understand”

You’ve been in my place

We’ve both been hurt

All alone and scared

There were events we couldn’t avert

It felt like nobody cared

 

I nod my head

And ask, “how do you know”

Nothing needs to be said

Because she’s my shadow

Me when I was young

We now walk together

Sharing all that stung

Halving our torment forever

 

 

Truth

 

Hope shrinking in the face of clarity

Offering diminishing protection

Like an umbrella in the wind

Terror rising up to rip at the growing holes

 

Aloneness scraping at my heart

Sadness swelling so fast inside

Too much for me to contain

But nowhere for it to go

 

Help, please help me

Be safe within the walls of my illusions

 

 

Poetry by Relic Girl

 

Inner Pain

 

Inside is a malignant growth

a time bomb

ready to explode

 

My very own soul of darkness

Inescapable

Ripping and tearing

 

Moving, changing

Hiding deeply

Crying behind the mask

 

Fear always entrenched

In this inner world

Beating in time with my heart

 

The hurt so heavy

So invasive

So crushing

 

Even when still

Its presence is felt

Deep inside myself

 

 

Being

 

I sit on the edge of a cliff

Where day meets night and

Earth connects with the Universe

Buffered only by stormy seas

And billowing clouds

An abyss between now and then

Heartache and happiness

Me and you

The battle inside surrounded by anguish

Alluringly drawn forward

Blinded by the mournful darkness

The rocky outcrop a shaky foundation

Any movement disorientating

No choice but to fall

No reason to fight

No strength to resist the painful jolts

Options dwindling and doors closing

Light and love disappearing

From a bleak and desolate life

 

 

Perception

 

Why does the bad etch and burn?

Why does the good only flutter and skim?

Why does the bad leave deep imprints?

Why does the good only shift the surface?

 

With the bad

You know it has called

Time so slow

An ending never in sight

 

With the good

You need to stare hard

Over before you know

Reflecting as if it’s a dream

 

The bad so heavy

Dragging and dominant

Arrogant and scary

Strong as it tugs

 

The good so flimsy

Flickering and elusive

Meek and mild

Tentative as it tugs

 

Good versus Bad

Bad versus Good

A crazying tug-of-war

Where the loser is always me

 

Depression Again

 

There is a horrible dark place

Where nothing much matters

It is a cold murky space

Full and ready to shatter

 

The pollution then seeping

From a bottomless well

Spreading and Eroding

Leaving a lifeless shell

 

Empty yet so full

Numb but too active

So unbearably awful

The load so destructive

 

Heavy, dark and damp

No warmth able to enter

No fuel for the lamp

This feeling my tormentor

 

The hope has been gone

For far too long

Don’t know what to do

Do I just bid adieu?

 

 

 

Two Hearts

 

A huge heart

Admired, praised and honoured

A huge heart

Empty, aching and needy

A huge heart, so full

An asset and awarded

A huge heart, so hollow

Defective and ignored

A huge heart

Gives, loves and understands

A huge heart

Depleted, starved and misunderstood

A huge heart

Rewarding and fulfilling

A huge heart

Punished and broken

My huge heart

Aches to be filled

Filled with love and warmth

Each beat no longer painful

Existing alongside a tiny heart

So shrivelled and so starved

Struggling so hard to beat

And to stay alive

 

 

 

Please Tell Me Why

 

Why? Please tell me why

I began life amid such cruelty

A little girl with no ally

Alone, frightened, a casualty

 

I was only very little

I did not understand

The tiny leader of a battle

I could not command

 

Help me, please help me

I needed love and protection

Not violence and brutality

Just a little bit of affection

 

It’s not at all fair

This legacy I’m left

So often full of despair

And totally bereft

 

Life plagued with doubt

Feeling I’ll never mend

Day in and day out

Will it never end?

 

 

Confetti Girl

 

I abandon me

As others have

I reject me

As others do

I invent a me

Others might like

No, not right

I try again

Splitting pieces off

Desperate now

Can’t they see

I try so hard

Is this who you like?

What about now?

Please, please

Which one is right?

 

Swirling breezes

Round and round

Chaos and confusion

Is all that abounds

Reaching out

I search for me

Scraps and fragments

Scattered about

A piece here

A piece there

A broken puzzle

Of which I despair

So elusive

So unreal

Flakes of me

Flutter by

 

Hope fades

For my dismal heart

I can’t find

All the parts

Why did I ever

Split apart

What was precious

What was rare

I was enough

I was whole

Before their warfare

I was me

 

 

Poetry submissions on lived experience with mental illness are welcomed on an ongoing basis, so if you have always wanted to share your talent, now is the time to do so. Send them through to info@thisismyreality.com.au either in the body of the email or in a MS Word document.

 

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